Life's a struggle

So as 21 years of my life has passed by me, I have yet to realize what my purpose is in this world. I have lived according to the days in the calendar. Day in and day out. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. You get the point. I just don’t know where I’m heading. I feel lost. Insecure. And most importantly, unhappy. I have gone through happiness and sadness. Yes it’s all part of life. I hear it every day. It’s like a song playing a million times in the radio. You get sick of eventually. I feel the same. I feel like I’ve reached a point in life where nothing seems to suit me. I have everything I can ask for. I have a wonderful and supportive family, I have great friends who are always there for me, and yet I don’t have myself to make it all come together. I just don’t understand why I feel this way. Why am I so fed up with my life? Why am I so unhappy with it? I just don’t know. I still don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be. I’m only 21 and feel like I’m 50 and haven’t accomplished anything. I know it all comes with time, but nothing good has come my way. I’m not one of those depressed ones that think life is over and that there’s no need to live. On the contrary, I think I still have greatness ahead. I just need to find out how to get there. I need guidance and support to try and find out who to be. I had love in my life and now that space is filled with heartache. It’s painful to have lost someone you loved and still do. It’s hard to let go when moving on seems impossible. Life has its reasons on doing things, but I feel like I need to have that closure. I feel like I need to have that one person next to me to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything is going to be okay. It all seems untangible. It’s so close yet so far away. I am sick of chasing the impossible. Of being the nice one. Of being the dumb one. I can’t understand why things happen in life but I can honestly tell you I believe they happen for a reason. I’ve cried and prayed and I came to the realization that being a positive person and looking at life in a positive way can really boost your lifestyle. It was all great until it all crashed once again. It’s like life is testing me every opportunity it gets but I’m not keeping up with it. I just don’t know how to stand up again. I need to find the strength once more and change what needs to be changed. I need to find myself and find out what I really need in life. Maybe what I do have isn’t what I want. Maybe I need to keep digging a little deeper in myself and maybe just maybe I will find Fernanda again. So I hope and pray this all goes well.