Choices

So I’ve learned that in life you have to make choices. Choices that sometimes you don’t want to make. Choices that can change your life. Good or bad. We have a tendency to make the wrong choices. I’m a culprit. I might not be the smartest girl, but i do know a few rights from wrong. I tend to trust on my emotions. Letting good judgment sometimes slip away. I’m a human being. I make mistakes. I have made plenty. But when it comes to choosing, that where I falter. I can’t always control how i feel, but i do know we can control it. We can choose to be better people. We can choose to make the right decisions. We can choose to change. The mind works wonders. It just takes a little effort from us in order to make it all come together. The next time you’re stuck at a crossroad, where you can’t seem to decide what’s right or wrong, stop and take a deep breath. THINK of the benefits and disadvantages of your decisions and go from there. With better thinking comes better choices. And we can all agree on that. "In every single thing you do, you are choosing a direction. Your life is a product of choices."

Changes

Changes. Oh what a word. That word was never one that I liked. For some reason I hate change. I despise having to alter what’s been done. But in life that word is needed. It’s the structure of life. Change sometimes is pleasant or detrimental. I find that we all need changes in life. That’s how we evolve. That’s how the past becomes the past. No one can live an everyday life with the same situations and nothing changing. We as humans grow and change is extremely significant. It doesn’t have to mean we change as a person, but maybe out attitudes towards things do change. Change is imperative. Like it or not, we all go through it and we all learn from it. So next time a change occurs in your life, take it as a good thing. Nothing happens accidentally. Everything in life has a purpose and everything you do is building you to be a somebody. Never take life for granted. Live it to the fullest because you only have one shot at it. One opportunity. One life. And life is precious."If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

Loving someone that doesn't love you back

Loving someone that doesn't love you back.. I think that's one of the worst feelings anyone can have. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is giving your heart to someone and them not giving it in return. Love is such a special feeling. A gift. When you feel loved it's the best feeling in the world. You're happy and everyone around you sees that. And when your heart is broken people see that as well. I have loved and been loved in return. But I have this love inside of me that still has yet to disappear. I love someone that once loved me and now doesn't. That feeling of having lost that is indescribable. I miss every inch of that passion. I miss being loved. Being someones girl. Feeling like his heart was mine. Now all that is gone. All that love is gone. Well halfway anyway. I wish I could turn back time and fix what I did to make him lose that love for me. But I can't. Now I just have to wait and let my heart heal and pray that I can love again. That I can feel again. Feel what I once felt. And finally stop loving someone that DOESN'T love me. Time heals every wound and I guess I just need to let life take it's course.

Breakpoint in life

Everyone has their struggles and their own life and problems to deal with. But sometimes I feel alone. I feel like there's so much pressure and such a weight on my shoulders that can't be lifted. I'm at the breakpoint. Ready to give up. I feel like no one understands. Like no one cares. But I know they do. I know they wanna see me succeed and see me at a better place in my life. I feel like all my happiness has been drained from me and like I've become a depressed sad human being. But I guess giving myself a little more time to see what life has in store for me is the right thing to do. Eventually my troubles will be explained.

Past,Present,Future SPEECH...

Past : Relationship

For me this relationship was one that will never be forgotten. We never forget our first love. It triggered something that has never been triggered before. I met someone unexpectedly. I guess I would call it love at first sight, yet I didn’t know it at the time. I never took the time to realize that something outstanding was actually about to happen in my life, the greatest thing to happen to me in a long time. I met the most unbelievable person. He’s everything you can only dream of. Being with him was like being in heaven. He always seemed to blow my mind away. I fell head over heels for him and I have absolutely no doubt as to why. He made me smile even when I was having a difficult day. He’s was the sweetest, most affectionate, captivating, remarkable, smart, funny, considerate guy I had ever met in my entire life. I had fallen for Prince charming; it amazes me how lucky I got to have met someone so special and exceptional. It was all good to be true of course. It all came crashing down 7 months later. But my life still inst over. I have a long road ahead of me.



Present: Fitness

Where do I begin!? Well it's my biggest passion as I mentioned before. I live for working out. My love is spinning or cycling. I’ve been doing it for 3 years now. It didn’t start with spinning though. When I started the gym I dread each and every day but, there had to be something fun yet helpful and motivational at the gym to push myself to exercise. I hated those ellipticals and treadmills. It would get overly boring and I would just give up. Inconsequentially I would see people spin their life away at the Spinning (cycling) class and decided to give it a try. As crazy as it looked I signed up for it the next day. Once class was over, I realized I had done a workout that I actually enjoyed. I had fallen in love with the class. I spin 5 times a week with the same instructor (she’s like a cheetah on the bike). I do the class to maintain my weight. I also do strength training before the class. But spinning has become my passion. An addiction I would say. A fantastic and healthy addiction. I now cannot miss a day at the gym. I live it, breathe it. Its something that gets me through my day. This goes to show that anything is possible and that motivation and perseverance it all it takes to take one step to your own goals and actually reaching it.









Future: Nutritionist

My dream is to become a nutritionist. I decided this about a year ago. I came to a final conclusion that if health and fitness is my passion why not make it a career? I am very conscious about what I eat and for these past 3 years many of my friends come to me for help. They all know that I love this stuff and that I live for it. So it hit me one day, why not become a nutritionist. Help people lose weight and achieve their goals. This was instantaneous. It stuck to me and I’m here now studying to become one. I know it’s going to be challenging but nothing is easy in this world and if you want to achieve something it takes effort.

Struggles

Why do we go through so many hard times in life? Who knows, but we all blame God for all our problems. Well God isn't doing this to punish you or to put you through hell, he's here giving you these struggles so you know that life isn't about finding yourself but life is about creating yourself. Each and everyday is a different day, different struggles, but God knows you're strong enough to surpass them. He loves you and he wants you to succeed, even though you might think otherwise. Never let these things get to you because you deserve more than that. You deserve to be happy and live life to the fullest. I saw an interview the other day about a 6 year old girl with a disease called Progeria. Its an aging disease. She ages quite fast and lives up until shes 12. Now think about your life. Imagine you were her. You only have 6 years to live or less because she can have a stoke any day and die. Put yourself in her shoes. Life goes according to each day you live. In the interview, that girl had a smile on her face all day everyday. Never letting this disease ruin her life. She was happy and she was living life to the fullest because she doesn't know if she will be alive for too long. God planned that for her. Just like God has plans for you. You cant let little obstacles like these bring you down. Every time i feel like that, i think of that little girl. I put myself in her shoes and i smile. I smile because i have a healthy life, a supportive family and great friends by my side. I know we cant help feeling this way, but you have to think about your future. I know Ive been heartbroken for 5 months and its not going away, why? because im playing with fire. I'm doing this to myself knowing that im just hurting myself even more. I try and act tough, try and put positive quotes, positive thinking such as "i think im getting over you", but im still in love with him. Every time i see him, i get those feelings all over again. I feel like an idiot. I'm here giving my all, while hes there doing his deed. By the end of the day, ill go to the gym, release that anger and pain and when i lay in bed, he's unfortunately the last thought in my head. Why?..I don't know.I cry from time to time, hoping one day he will come back to me. But i know its not tangible. Its just a dream i keep playing in my head. On top of all that i have my parent on my ass because of work, i have school driving me off the walls and i have my health which isn't that great. Not physically but mentally.All that keeps building up each and everyday. Getting worse. But everyday i stop for a couple of seconds and breathe. I shake it all out and think to myself, it could be worse. But God is putting all this in front of me to realize that im wrong and that my life needs to change. I had a dream that i died last night. This means : "inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind".... You see? God telling me something. So just live your life as if it was your last day. Live it to the fullest, act stupid, make mistakes, talk to people you've never talked to before, release that anger on something or someone. Just be YOU! People will appreciate that and you will feel better about yourself.

Let life guide you, don't guide life.

I am ME

While I sit here and wonder what im doing in this life, it suddenly hits me. I'm here to show the world who i am and what im capable of. Who am I? Well im Fernanda. One of a kind. There really isn't anyone like me in this world. God made us all unique and special, with unexceptional attributes. Its been taking me a while to figure it all out, but someday i will get there. God has a way of managing our lives and placing every event that occurs in the right order. We all go through struggles, but these struggles are there to guide us to the right path. No one is perfect. Everyone has a period of hard times but its to make us grow and appreciate what we have. Having a life is a gift. Its actually the most beautiful gift we possess. Its precious and valuable and we cant put it to waste. We are lucky enough to be living each and everyday. So never hope for the worst. Live your live everyday as if it was your last. Enjoy each day with a smile in your face because you never know who's falling in love with that smile. Live your life to the up most fullest. No one does it better than you. So be YOU! And don't let small obstacles intervene in your journey of happiness. Love every moment because you never know when its your last.

Life's a struggle

So as 21 years of my life has passed by me, I have yet to realize what my purpose is in this world. I have lived according to the days in the calendar. Day in and day out. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. You get the point. I just don’t know where I’m heading. I feel lost. Insecure. And most importantly, unhappy. I have gone through happiness and sadness. Yes it’s all part of life. I hear it every day. It’s like a song playing a million times in the radio. You get sick of eventually. I feel the same. I feel like I’ve reached a point in life where nothing seems to suit me. I have everything I can ask for. I have a wonderful and supportive family, I have great friends who are always there for me, and yet I don’t have myself to make it all come together. I just don’t understand why I feel this way. Why am I so fed up with my life? Why am I so unhappy with it? I just don’t know. I still don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be. I’m only 21 and feel like I’m 50 and haven’t accomplished anything. I know it all comes with time, but nothing good has come my way. I’m not one of those depressed ones that think life is over and that there’s no need to live. On the contrary, I think I still have greatness ahead. I just need to find out how to get there. I need guidance and support to try and find out who to be. I had love in my life and now that space is filled with heartache. It’s painful to have lost someone you loved and still do. It’s hard to let go when moving on seems impossible. Life has its reasons on doing things, but I feel like I need to have that closure. I feel like I need to have that one person next to me to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything is going to be okay. It all seems untangible. It’s so close yet so far away. I am sick of chasing the impossible. Of being the nice one. Of being the dumb one. I can’t understand why things happen in life but I can honestly tell you I believe they happen for a reason. I’ve cried and prayed and I came to the realization that being a positive person and looking at life in a positive way can really boost your lifestyle. It was all great until it all crashed once again. It’s like life is testing me every opportunity it gets but I’m not keeping up with it. I just don’t know how to stand up again. I need to find the strength once more and change what needs to be changed. I need to find myself and find out what I really need in life. Maybe what I do have isn’t what I want. Maybe I need to keep digging a little deeper in myself and maybe just maybe I will find Fernanda again. So I hope and pray this all goes well.

Everything happens for a reason

I was one to believe that when we meet someone we gradually fall for them. It’s depicted in movies and we tend to always put it aside and only imagine it that way. Nowhere near the actual reality. I am certain of that. Always having the worst luck in love, I took every new opportunity as a great one. None worked out and I realized that guys have always and will forever be the same. I’ve been the type of girl which had respect for guys despite none having any for me. You will find a rare amount which will treat a woman like she’s meant to be treated. As for love, women seek the best. We don’t want a boy, we want a man. Never did I think I was going to find love at first sight. Having every relationship fail, I quickly turned my smile upside down and let things happen on their own. I wasn’t going to be the one to look for the impossible. Little did I know that those who wait get the unimaginable. I met someone unexpectedly. I guess I would call it love at first sight, yet I didn’t know it at the time. I never took the time to realize that something outstanding was actually about to happen in my life. When it did, I was astounded by how my luck turned around. It was unforeseen, yet the greatest thing to happen to me in a long time. I met the most unbelievable person. He’s everything you can only dream of. Being with him was like being in heaven. He always seemed to blow my mind away. I fell head over heels for him and I have absolutely no doubt as to why. He made me smile even when I was having a difficult day. He’s was the sweetest, most affectionate, captivating, remarkable, smart, funny, considerate guy I had ever met in my entire life. I had fallen for Prince charming; it amazes me how lucky I got to have met someone so special and exceptional. It was all good to be true of course. It all came crashing down 7 months later. I have been struggling to find myself since then. It’s been 4 months and it’s been a challenge. I have spent all this time thinking about what went wrong with the relationship by looking back at everything we went through. I can't say it was his fault. On the contrary, it was mine. I was so in love I forgot to think about myself. I got really attached to him and that led me to losing him. These months have given me the light I needed to find out who I was and who I really needed to be. I have turned to god to guide me through this process. I prayed to god to help me find myself and to give me meaning to why all this is happening, to help me move on with my life and to give me the strength and faith to believe in myself. I have also turned to friends to keep me intact, and I have learned to be a better person. I guess when something terrible happens it's to show you that you've done something wrong and it's to open your eyes to see it. I did indeed see my mistakes and I have changed my ways and myself in every way possible. I've become a positive person, yet I'm still struggling with accepting another guy in my life because I'm still in love with him. I have learned to open up more. To have trust. I saw that the problem was me. I had trouble trusting myself and I let that out on him. I have changed as a person all thanks to one horrible incident. I read a book recently, and it threw all this in my face. It explained everything that I did wrong and that all of it happened for a reason. As I was reading I thought it was a bogus analytical book but it turned out to be very helpful. It helped me understand that what happened was for me to change. For me to open my eyes to the person I was becoming. Not only towards the relationship but also with friends and family. I had forgotten about everyone and most importantly about myself. I learned that in life we have time for everything. We have time for family, friends, boyfriend and girlfriends, school, work and more importantly ourselves. We need to divide our time between everything because everything is equally as important. Our lives are not only centered to one specific thing. And all this came to cross my mind these past 4 months. My life has changed since then and even after all the pain I went through and am still going through, all the love I have is still there. I have faith that everything in life happens for a reason and if we are meant for each other, then it will happen. It’s a neverending rollercoaster and as life goes on, we expect the unexpected. I hope someday I can regain that strength and forgive myself for all that happened. I know somewhere someday I will get a chance to love again. Everything happens for a reason and that reason we can’t interfere with.