I wanna be..

I wonder why things happen the way they do. You wake up one morning and things are completely different. People say you have control over your own life, but part of me disagrees. Part of me believes that things in life occur out of our reach. We sometimes are baffled by situations and can’t seem to put words into it. Can’t really comprehend it. I am that girl that wants to be happy. That wants to have that happy ending. I mean who doesn’t right? I have wanted to be accepted by who I am and not be judged by who I’m not. People say friends come and go but family always remains. I don’t know how to respond to that. I love my family but like the other 6 billion people in this world, I am misunderstood. I tend to be on the introvert side so my feelings are always expressed on paper. No matter what happens I’m not one to express it to other people. I don’t know how. Hence the misunderstanding, miscommunication and the judging. I really want to be the girl with a smile on her face knowing nothing is wrong. Knowing someone loves me for who I am. Knowing someone appreciates, and cares for me without any reason. Not the girl that has to wonder what I did wrong. Why life is the way it is. And why people leave for no apparent reason.I have gone through many obstacles in life, and I know there are many more to come. I just want to live life and not have any regrets. Smile and be the happy woman I know I can be. Do everything I want to do. Travel the world, love endlessly, help others and most importantly be ME..

Addiction

Sometimes the normal habitual act becomes second nature and becomes an addiction you can’t break. When nothing goes the way you plan, you figure out a way to fix it by changing the normal way you usually do things. You look for answers in places you normally wouldn’t and you realize sometimes that you’re fooling yourself by doing so. You force yourself in believing that it’s the right thing to do but in reality it isn’t. It’s definitely become an addiction at this point and to break it seems like an arduous task. One that takes more than one can understand. One can’t walk away easily and pretend it’s the easiest thing in the world. Fooling yourself is harder to deal with than trying to face the problem directly. Everything has its time and place and if you try and change that when the time isn’t right, you get tangled in a war between your mind and your heart. Your head is telling you one thing while your heart is telling you another and your heart is something you can’t change even if you try.